I'm shocked.

I always saw on television shows, or other's experiences, but I have not experienced it myself. It was just like spinach - which has an aftertaste.

I'm shocked. I'm lost for words. How did it happen... when did it happen? I only remember me eating my lunch and going back home... yes, I was on my mother's car. Yes, she was crying.

I would have never even imagine that such a thing will happen. He was jovial, caring and everything. The last time I saw him, in his black top, he still seemed as healthy as a normal 60+ man. Cancer? Impossible.

But the truth is just right in front me now - he went for a medical check-up and results show that he has 2 tumors growing on his liver and lung.

I guess I am mad with myself. When I first heard the news, I felt numb. Not because I am shock or anything, but I was just pure numb. I can't believe the thoughts that first enered my mind.

"Does his possible death have anything to do with me? Do we have to go through the toublesome rituals if he dies?"

I admit that I am becoming more and more numb to things happening around me. The cruelty of the society has changed many, including me, into numb people who are overly practical, without much emotions.

After much deep thoughts, however, I realised the importance of my grandfather. From young, he was like a "guardian angel" for me to put my hope in. A source of comfort, he has been.

If he is gone, who am I going to confide all my trouble and worries to? Who will be the one who says in chinese"要快高长大,学业进步"? I cried.

There's no one to blame for his state. If he really passes away, I can only blame myself for being so numb when hearing the news. For not treasuring the moments I had with him. For not hugging him enough during his lifetime... For not...