I hate myself for being in such a state. It's not because of my recent test marks(well, I just flopped my english test). I just can't believe I becoming the type of person I used to mock at.
I don't even know how to start or what I am writing about. This is all rubbish. Food and homework can only help me avoid this issue that cropped up recently.
Ever since I had this #@$H!$% virus and fever, I have become a more quiet person. I have become the !@#$D person I used to be during my Primary School days.
Those days were my most hated days I lived on this world, even though I am only 13. I was a very quiet and self-diminishing person. I did not have many friends as communicating with others had been a chore.
I am $%@#$% wrong. I thought that this happened just because I am sick. But as I am gradually recovering now, I realize the difficulty of getting out of this state.
I had been a very cheerful, talkative random person. That wasn't too bad, I guess. I just hate myself now. I beginning to like solitude. Sometimes, when others talk to me, I deliberately find faults in their sentences and snap back at them. I just enjoy being alone in the cool wind, looking at the ground.
I must not be anti-social. I must not.
Solitude has made me very lonely. But whenever I talk to my friends or join them for soccer, I start to get frustrated again. Then, I would run away before I lose my temper and stay alone sitting on the steps.
The cruelty of the society has changed me a lot. It has absorbed my joy and optimism away and given me a heart void of feelings, emotions and the liking of solitude.
As I sat on the steps, I could only hear the deafening silence.
I am trying.
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6 years ago
3 comments:
Hey pal, being alone does not mean being lonely.
I spent quite some time in solitute myself and those are the times that offered me a lot of precious reflections , creativity and also get to know myself and those around me better.
I guess this is a stage everybody has to go through. Why do you need to hate yourself for this?
This is pretty normal for me.
Like somebody hating themselves for pimples? hating themselves for being attracted to a opposite sex? Sometimes when we have to pass thorugh these stages before we can laugn at ourselves.
Don't worry pal , this is normal stage.I 've gone through that. But it would be pretty helpful if you can share this with people close to you ; those who truely cares about you . And let them know what they can do to help.
Ok Jonah, spinach tastes good.
Death has an everlasting taste. NOT an aftertaste.
And I'm not insulting you.
By the way, you are never lonely when you use the word solitude. Because solitude is one thing, loneliness is another.
And I don't see much change in you.
And I see that you try to be emotional. Try harder. Because you don't want to be superficial, yet you sound like one sup guy.
Go and do some homework. And earn to appreciate solitude.
Next time, tell me how many times the wind blows up your hair, and how many ants there are in the ground.
And you never turn permanently like this if you're sick.
And some shameless advertising: go to my blog and whack me back if you are not happy.
Very "cheem". Since when have you became uch a philosophical person that you never were? I can assure you you definitely are'nt lonely the last time I saw you, which was about, lets say, 2 days ago? I can see you are just trying to be very random, which justs suits your personality, and adding in a sense of philosophy. I highly recommend you to continue on this path , Jonah, as you will you get very high marks for your English after flopping it this this time.
I shall end with this most famous quote, " Do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you."
All the worst,
Me.
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